BEN-ITO-NO-NAKI DOKO-RO:

a japanese fable
by benito
thanks to tim the enchanter for reference

once upon a time outside of sapporo, there lived a godlike young man 
named ben-ito. ben-ito was the strongest man in the land, and he was 
the protector of the Bridge That Leads to Nowhere. he stood by the 
bridge day and night, and whenever anyone came near his bridge, they 
had to beat him in a fight, or they could no pass. but since the 
bridge went to nowhere, nobody ever came around. 
one day, and old woman came hobbling up the road to the bridge. when 
she approached ben-ito, he boomed "YOU MAY NOT PASS UNLESS YOU CAN 
DEFEAT ME!"
the little old lady kept walking up to the bridge. she couldn't hear, 
and she was senile and thought the grocery store was across the 
bridge. but benito, being the fierce warrior he was, delivered a 
lightning-quick strike to the back of her neck and she went down like 
a rock. then he kicked her off into the water, where she drowned. 
ben-ito was proud of his victory, and kept up his eternal protection 
of the bridge.
soon, however, news spread that ben-ito had defeated the fierce old 
woman, and many fighters came up to the bridge to test their might 
against ben-ito. all who came were turned back in defeat. ben-ito 
kicked all of their asses, shouting "YOU MAY NOT PASS UNLESS YOU CAN 
DEFEAT ME!" pretty soon no one wanted to fight ben-ito because they 
were scared that he would beat them, and ben-ito still stood 
immobile, letting no one pass.
years later, the legend of ben-ito and his uncrossable bridge died 
down. three young boys who had not heard of the undefeatable ben-ito 
were out wandering around as young boys do, when they approached the 
bridge, quite by accident. ben-ito scowled ans shouted, "YOU MAY NOT 
PASS UNLESS YOU CAN DEFEAT ME!"
the boys asked "what is beyond this bridge?"
but ben-ito only replied, "YOU MAY NOT PASS UNLESS YOU CAN DEFEAT 
ME!"
they boys got pissed. they grabbed some sticks and began smacking 
ben-ito in the shins. this really hurt ben-ito, because when he was 
born and his mom dunked him in the river styx to make him invincible, 
she held him by the shins and they were vulnerable. so they kept 
smacking him in his achilles shins, and soon he fell to the ground, 
bawling.
the kids shouted in victory and trotted across the bridge. but it was 
old and when they got to the middle, the boards broke and they all 
fell to their death in the river below.
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