Crapunzel

so, there was this girl who grew her hair really long, and every day 
she would wash it and comb it about 100 times, and everyone said she 
had the most beautiful hair. it was about 20 feet long. and her name 
was crapunzel. so the evil ruler of the land said, 'damn, that's one 
fine-ass bitch,' and sent his henchmen out to retrieve her. so he got 
the chick, and locked her up in his penis-shaped tower that was about 
500 feet tall, and there was barbed wire all around it. and he 
uh,.... did it with her every night. and 20 years later, her senile 
old man said, 'crapunzel, get me a beer.' but there was no answer. 
and then he realized that she was missing, and he sent this badass 
hero to go save her. and the dude said, uh, like... can i do it with 
her, cuz she's hot, and i never get laid.' and her old man said yes.
so meanwhile, crapunzel gets a knock at her door, and its this old 
bitch with an apple. so crapunzel eats the apple and falls asleep, 
never to awaken. so this dude gets to the castle, and he says, 
'crapuzel, throw your fuckin hair down here so i can climb up and do 
you.' and crapunzel was asleep, so she didn't hear. so the dude got 
these seven deadly dwarves, shitty, herpe, slimy, crappy, dick, 
crackhead, and the masturbator, and they stormed the castle and 
killed the evil lord and crapunzel woke up from all the ruckus. and 
her hair was about 600 feet long by now, and all the dwarves jumped 
out of the tower to their deaths because crapunzel had been turned 
into this hideous beast that looked like roseanne barr. so the hero 
kissed her and she turned into a frog.