Movie Parodies and More...

from the benito jose line of fine parodies comes....
JEWEL OF THE NILE

as jewel sits there looking pretty and singing some stuff about 
breakfast, kurt russel comes busting in with a patch over one eye 
and says "Draw", and gravity kills is playing in the background. and 
then it's cool because it's got jewel, and she gets naked, and 
there's a kick ass soundtrack. should appeal to the 'benito' 
demographic.


ESCAPE FROM T&A

basically the same movie as above, but this time, kurt russel runs 
away from jewel, and there's a lot more of her getting naked. but 
gravity kills is still playing in the background. 


TERMINATOR 2: judgement night

arnold schwarzenegger is sent from the future to kill emilio estevez 
and the mighty ducks. they must escape into the inner city, where 
they meet kurt russel, who appears in all of my movies because he's 
so damn cool. but then the terminator tracks them down and kills 
them, but denis leary comes in at the end and fucks things up. 
featuring a soundtrack with dinosaur jr. and also featuring jewel 
getting naked a lot.


THE ENGLISH TEACHER

featuring mr. orlett in a foreign country where he grows into a fine 
young woman. will win a lot of awards because it's foreign.
also featuring kurt russel


PLANESPOTTING

featuring 'tattoo' from fantasy island, repeating the catch phrase 
everyone loves over and over again. also featuring kurt russel and 
jewel naked again.


HELLRAISER 20: who will save your soul?

featuring kurt russel as pinhead, and a title track by jewel, who 
also appears in the film and gets naked a lot. written by clive 
barker, so it's gotta be a winner.


A NIGHTMARE ON MILL STREET

scott's friends decide that his parodies suck and then mysterious 
mailboxes start appearing in his burn pile..... featuring kurt russel 
as todd, jewel as rich, who gets naked and fondles himself alot, and 
neil patrick harris (doogie howser) as benito. also, a soundtrack by 
gravity kills and god lives underwater.


THE END OF THE EMAIL

benito runs out of ideas with ten minutes left to spare before class. 
starring kurt loder. unfortunately, jewel doesn't get naked in this 
one.

Part Two:

man, for not having any breaks betweeen 8:00 and 1:00 i sure do fit 
in a lot of email time. well anyway, here's some more stuff that 
comes right off the top of my head, where the little monkeys are 
picking bugs out of my hair. i like to call the little spotted one 
harry.

i've got a really good idea for a video. see, when jewel releases her 
next single 'pieces of you', she should have a video where she gets 
naked and writhes around on the floor a lot. you probably already 
guessed that that was my idea. but wait, there's more! see, when 
jewel is naked on the floor, juliana hatfield comes in and they have 
passionate lesbian sex. and see, then tabitha soren and idalis would 
come on mtv and apologize for the sex, but they would get so turned 
on that they would join in! i ask you, would you not like to see that on 
mtv? i think it would rule. and then, instead of playing that crappy 
song jewel sings, they could play gravity kills. and then, it would 
go


bee deep de deep beep beep be deep MTV news you hear it first

and kurt russel would come out and he would say hi i'm kurt russel 
for mtv news just like kurt loder does, but it would be kurt russel. 
but then they'd quit showing him and get back to the mad sex party 
with jewel, juliana hatfield, tabitha soren, and idalis. mmmmmmmm.

and kennedy would just get jealous and try to score with simon rex, 
but he would kick her ass! ha! that stupid kennedy is a bitch. 

man, i've got way too much time on my hands. 

now it's time for the thrilling sequel to last summer's sleeper hit
GOING TO ALGEBRA

 WARNING- this segue contains no lesbians! proceed with caution

in this episode, scott debates just skipping the darn class and 
writing more cool email. then, he thinks maybe his friends are 
annoyed by his incessant rambling. scott then decides that if his 
friends had as much time for email as he does, they would appreciate 
the ungodly long messages he sends. he sure would appreciate some 
sometime, instead of these little rinky-dink messages they send him 
now. then, complications set in, as a student from scott's algebra 
class comes into the lab! scott then decides to play it cool and 
maybe the student won't notice him. but then, he has to be out of the 
lab in an hour. ah shit. i guess i'll go to stupid class. amazingly, 
the student in question just convinced scott not to go to class!
thanks, lee.

now, back to my lesbian fantasy. so who else can come into this 
video? shirly manson from garbage! yeah..... and veruca salt, and 
then even that chick from mazzy star can join in. but no melissa 
etheridge. i should work for mtv and instead of 'singled out', we'd 
have 'hot video chicks having lesbian sex'. or better yet, i could 
get my own channel, and just make it 24 hours of naked rock star 
chicks writhing around in various substances licking each other. 
yeah! i could call it C-SPAN, and you figure out what the C is for.

so anyway, here's also some cool ideas for video games. how about a 
fighting game where nerds battle it out to see which episode of 'star 
trek' is the best? i call it TREKKEN. ooh. that sucked. sorry.

how about a game where you are a dog, and you have to sniff other 
dog's butts?

this video game segue isn't going very well. the scott show is being 
put on hiatus. just joking. you're not that lucky. i still have half 
an hour to kill. no wait. 40 minutes. well, i believe this email is 
long enough, though, so i'll start a new one.

Part Three:

so, here are some ideas for TV shows from the geniuses that brought 
you STAR WHORES.........


ER TROOPERS

mild mannered doctors, until the evil lord ZED attacks, the doctors 
turn into japanese dancers that pretend to do surgery but fall down a 
lot. and there's this dog that can talk. starring george clooney and 
kurt russel.


BOSTON CONDOM

comedian anthony clark discovers that life in the big city isn't all 
it's cracked up to be when he gets aids and dies! pure hilarity 
starting at 8:00/9:00 CT guest starring magic johnson!


FRIENDS 2

this time, the six friends are jewel, juliana hatfield, tabitha 
soren, idalis, and the two chicks from veruca salt. they have a lot 
of lesbian sex and go drink coffee at the coffee shop. and also, this 
little monkey runs around too


THE JOSE BROTHERS

all your favorite jose episodes are now reborn on tv! thrill to the 
joses playing tekken! gasp as the joses blow stuff up (each other).
many, many hours of great prime time fun right here on the dubba 
dubba WB.


that's all my tv ideas. i don't watch very much tv. it like, warps 
your brain and stuff.