My Mother Slept With My Best Friend's Mother's Secretary's Mother:

a made for email movie starring ricki lake, ricky schroeder, judith 
light, and several other washed-up sitcom stars. truly based on a 
story.

(scene: pleasantville, usa. the birds are singing, the sun is 
shining, all is well with the world. little jimmy taylor walks into 
his house after school...)
jimmy: mom! i'm home!
(silence)
jimmy: mom?
(more silence. jimmy walks up the stairs, and ominous music plays in 
the background.)
jimmy: hey, mom!
(jimmy opens the door to his mother's room...)
jimmy: GASP!
jimmy's mom: GASP!
jimmy's best friend's mom's secretary's mom: GASP!
(jimmy starts crying and runs away)
jimmy's mom: aw, crap. i didn't think the little bastard would be 
home so soon!
jimmy's best friend's mom's secretary's mom: shut up and keep 
licking! i ain't paying you for nothing!

(scene two: jimmy goes to combat training and learns to kick some 
serious ass.)

(scene three: jimmy comes back home after combat school and walks in 
the door)
jimmy: mom? you home?
jimmy's mom:(shouting) no!
jimmy: you bitch! i bet you're sleeping with my best friend's mom's 
secretary's mom again!
jimmy's mom: NO! I SWEAR I'M NOT!
(jimmy walks into his mother's bedroom. ominous music starts 
playing...)
jimmy: GASP!
jimmy's mom: GASP!
jimmy's best friend's mom's secretary's mom's best friend's 
secretary: GASP!
jimmy: I'll summon the powers of HELL to defeat you, you bitch!
(jimmy summons the demon Azzeratherotherammen, who promptly kicks the 
lesbian whore's ass.)
jimmy: thank you, Azzeratherotherammen. now i can sleep with the 
lights on again.
(enter robert deneiro)
robert deneiro: remember kids, if your mom's a lesbian crackwhore, 
you can always count on the aid of the demon Azzeratherotherammen.
(end)

The Tale of Alexander The Bait

once upon a time there lived a little worm named Alexander. he lived 
happily with the worms, and became a great ruler. underneath 
Alexander, the worms became great and powerful, and conquered many 
territories of dirt. everyone respected Alexander, even though he had 
an affair with the preacher's daughter. but then one day, Kirk 
Cameron dug up Alexander's mighty city, and placed it in a bucket. 
then ol' kirk went fishing with tony danza, who had gotten fatter and 
older since Alexander last saw him on "Who's the Boss?" but the two 
actors took him out to a lake and.....


they let him go! because their fishing trip was only a trick so they 
could get away from the public eye and have lots of raunchy anal sex.
they did a little fishing of their own, but never really used 
Alexander for bait.